


temporary nothing

by tartzy



Category: K-pop, LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/F, Fluff, GUREUM IS HANDSOME AND HES IN THIS IF ANY OF U CALL HIM UGLY IM SUING, GUREUM IS NOT UGLY, brain is literally regurgitating raw feces at this point, gureum, happy birthday sam, hyewon going to college, if i wake up and i read it and find out its shit this is no longer ur birthday present im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:13:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26320951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tartzy/pseuds/tartzy
Summary: Hyejoo wonders if things would've been different if she just tried a bit harder.
Relationships: Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Comments: 5
Kudos: 64





	temporary nothing

**Author's Note:**

> [1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_72RkQV25Y)
> 
> [2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzHOPckFmwc)
> 
> songs for this fic

It’s summer break, which means Hyejoo was stuck in her own home for the cloying season. She’s never found herself to be an outdoors person, especially not with the broiling heat outside, preferring the more bearable air-conditioned indoors and the given hours to coalesce with her bed or one of her gaming consoles. After going through her first heat stroke on a road trip to Jeju in 5th grade, her family had since then agreed to let her stay home during their family trips, to her relief. So she usually finds herself napping the hours away with Gureum within the empty home.

But Hyejoo has to remind herself that there’s a slight change in that reality as she slowly opens her eyes, meeting the sunkissed body wrapped in the featherlight sheets next to her. She stares at the girl lying in front of her, loosely dressed in one of her own t-shirts, chest rising and falling softly. It’s rare for her to have this sort of vacancy in her mornings, when she’s grown used to the blaring alarm that shakes her awake before the sun even rises and the hours of morning practices she has to spend sprinting on the school track; So she lets herself watch. She notices details she misses with simple glances, the darkening roots of her pale blonde hair, the small dark circles under her eyes that pinch at her heart. She wonders how long she could remember Chaewon’s intricacies until they would eventually fade from her memory, and she’d need to trace them all over again. Hyejoo isn’t sure how much time passes, but it’s long enough for her to watch Chaewon’s eyes flutter open slowly to meet hers, and if they were anywhere else, Hyejoo would immediately dart her gaze, embarrassed and flustered, but todays different, so she unabashedly stares right back, letting a smile break their silent morning.

“Did you sleep well?” Hyejoo asks as Chaewon rubs at the sleep in her eyes.

“I dreamt about Bbomi,” She responds, not fully processing Hyejoo’s question. “She wouldn’t stop stealing my socks, and I couldn’t get her to stop, and I had to watch her build this mountain of chewed socks. It was hell.”

Hyejoo laughs, about to ask for more detail when she hears her bedroom door creak open, and she hears Gureum scratch against her bedpost in order to climb up. She sits up, staring down at the dog challengingly.

“Stop doing that,” Chaewon groans from the other side, slapping Hyejoo’s arm lightly.

“What? I’m not doing anything.”

“He’s not going to telepathically get your encouragement, just help him up,” Chaewon leans over to place the dog on top of the bed, and he immediately nestles in her lap.

“He’s going to get it one day,” Hyejoo huffs, amused at how her own dog had become more fond of Chaewon instead of his own owner, “if you keep helping him up he’s never going to figure out that he can just jump up.”

“You’re just using that as an excuse to bully him,” Chaewon rolls her eyes as she scratches behind Gureum’s ears, the dog content with the blondes attention.

“Wrong, you would do the same for Bbomi if you wanted to teach her how to jump.”

“Bbomi’s smart enough to know how to jump on the bed, she’s already wet MY bed,” Chaewon retorts.

“Well Gureum can do that too, just give him some time.”

“You said that last month.”

“And I’m saying it again this month,” Hyejoo responds cheekily, “is there an issue?”

“I hope Bbomi chews your socks,” Chaewon posits childishly as she gets up from the bed, Gureum immediately scampering off to join her.

“Then I’ll just steal your socks.”

“Jokes on you, half my socks are already Bbomi property.”

Hyejoo watches the girl flip her hair triumphantly as she struts out the room, and she wonders how much she has to give, just for all of her mornings to mirror this. Then she realizes what direction Chaewon was headed towards, and she quickly scrambles off her sheets.

“Hey, wait don’t burn my kitchen down!”

_____

_ Their first kiss was an accident. _

_ At least that’s what Hyejoo told herself. _

_ She doesn’t blame it on the alcohol - she tries to, but she can’t, because she didn’t even have any, and she knows Chaewon didn’t either. They can blame it on the atmosphere from the party- on their intoxicated classmates and the potent alcohol, that could be a good excuse for later. Only, the issue with that is that they’re not inside, crammed between bodies and electrifying music, they’re here, out on Sooyoung’s back porch, lost in their small bubble on the cool summer night. _

_ Everything’s spinning when their lips touch, and Hyejoo wants to badly blame it on some essence of the nonexistent alcohol in her system. She wonders if Chaewon wants to do the same, and a part of her doesn’t even process it as real, that they’d wake up just as normally. She doesn’t know if she wants that reality, and she leaves the annoying passing thought alone. It’s chaste and slow, Chaewon grabs onto her shirt lightly, as if Hyejoo would just suddenly disappear from her grasp.  _

_ It trickles in like cold beads of sweat that night, stinging her skin with cognizance as she listens to the cicadas chirp in the backyard. The memory plasters itself in her mind in blurry sequences, starting with both of their ringing laughter, to the pinch of heat in her ears when she finds herself staring at the way Chaewon’s eyes twinge as she smiles. The lump in her throat, her insides melt into mush. But she vividly remembers the breathless question that leaves her own lips. _

_ Their first kiss was not an accident. _

____

“Move aside, you’re fussing too much over it,” Hyejoo takes the knife from Chaewon’s already loosening grasp, quickly slicing the watermelon into much more easily manageable parts. 

“It’s literally twice the size of my head,” Chaewon explains as she takes a piece that Hyejoo hands her, both of them taking bites.

“So is your ego, but you manage it just fine,” Hyejoo stifles her laugh filled with watermelon.

“Please, if at least one of us has a big ego it’s you.”

“I just cut watermelon for you,” Hyejoo pouts, hoping to play up her kicked puppy look.

“Yup,” Chaewon pops the p, smiling smugly.

“And this is what I get in return?” She tries to push for a more empathetic response. Chaewon rolls her eyes, but she leans to press a quick kiss onto her lips, and Hyejoo smiles at the spark of sweetness, but it falters her mood as it turns almost bitter when she pulls away.

“Is that better?” 

“I think an extra kiss wouldn’t hurt.” 

____

The beginning of their afternoon stars the two of them sitting in front of Hyejoo’s TV, immobile, as they click on their controllers for their blocky avatars to run around the split screen. Hyejoo has an ice cream cone lodged in her mouth, effectively combating the simmering afternoon heat.

“Give me a bite,” Chaewon doesn’t even take her eyes off the screen, leaning over for Hyejoo to offer the cone. Hyejoo watches in amusement, holding the cone away from eating distance. It takes Chaewon a second to realize she’s not getting her request, and she looks up pure innocent confusion.

“Where’s my please?” Hyejoo tuts.

“Yes your majesty, may I please have just a crumb of your vanilla fudge swirl,” Chaewon embellishes, blinking exaggerated puppy eyes.

“There we go,” Chaewon rolls her eyes but takes a small bite of the cool treat gladly, and they return their attention to the game.

“Do we have gunpowder in the chest?”

“Yeah, two stacks I think.”

“Cool, we can blow up that village now.” Hyejoo watches as Chaewon’s half of the screen begins to bulk-craft TNT.

“I thought we were going to flood it?”

“We can flood the desert one, let’s bomb this one.”

“Sounds good.”

They scatter blocks of explosives throughout the village, a trail of redstone with a lever leading into the nearby forest. Innocent NPC villagers watch them as they walk their characters out of the settlement.

“You can do the honors,” Chaewon allows, backing her character away from the lever on the grass.

“I’m flattered,” Hyejoo takes a step towards the switch, pausing for a bit of dramatic effect. She flips the switch, and they watch as the line of redstone lights up, and the distant village violently collapses in front of their eyes, followed by a cacophony of explosions.

“Gorgeous.” She hears Chaewon whisper, mesmerized by the fantastic view of their griefing. The sounds begin to lessen, and only a massive crater is left in place of the buildings. They share a quick high five, their slight obsession with badgering expected gameplay and terrorizing AI had become somewhat of a tradition between the two of them.

It reminds Hyejoo that this will be the last. 

____

_ “Are you going to finally tell me why we’re out here?” Chaewon jokes, breaking the built silence as they’re strolling in a nearby park after dinner, it’s just a small walk from her house. Hyejoo feels herself flinch at the question, and her hand grips the object in the pocket of her padded jacket. _

_ “Ahh- just take this,” Hyejoo groans,shoves something into Chaewon’s hand, a small neatly packed package barely the size of her palm. _

_ “Am I allowed to open it?” Chaewon asks with a mix of amusement and curiosity, flipping the small black package in her hand. _

_ “Sure,” She looks away, shrugging in forced nonchalance. _

_ Chaewon carefully peels open the package, revealing its contents. It’s two pairs of earrings, a set of devil and angel wings, simplistic and small. She picks them up to gently inspect them. _

_ “I know you don’t wear rings,” Hyejoo quickly stammers as she scratches her ear, a nervous habit, “so, you can pick which one you like, and we can match, if you want.”  _

_ “I really like it,” Chaewon looks up at her earnestly, and Hyejoo feels her face grow hot with embarrassment, “I really really like it.” It sets all the pent up tension in her shoulders to release, and she feels the confidence bide back. _

_ “Good. I’m not returning them,” She wants to be a bit cheeky, but she thinks the smile that rounds her face says otherwise. _

_ “Darn, I guess I have to wear them now.” Chaewon huffs dramatically, pressing the earrings back into the package to keep them safe. _

_ “Yup, I guess you have to,” Hyejoo watches her pocket the small box into her padded jacket, and she immediately reaches for Chaewon’s hand now that it’s emptied. Chaewon presses a soft kiss onto her lips as their hands intertwine again, quick and the kind she has to tiptoe momentarily for. _

_ “I really love them,” It comes out like a whisper, only meant for Hyejoo to hear, and she feels her heart melt for the split second. She quickly recovers, and manages to squeeze a quip in before the moment weakens her too much. _

_ “I mean of course,  _ **_I_ ** _ picked them, after all.” _

____

They’ve been drifting in and out of consciousness throughout the latter half of the day, nestled on Hyejoo’s couch, letting the TV play aimlessly in the background. Neither of them are the type to willingly move under the simmering heat, thankfully.

Hyejoo isn’t exactly tired anymore, a shocker, even to her. But the thought of the hours passing by reminds her of one of her goals of the special day. She looks over at Chaewon, whose eyes are closed peacefully against the arm rest, and just soaking in the cool air being blown from the air con.

“Hey Chae?” She hums in response, waiting for the second half of Hyejoos comment. “Let’s go for a drive.”

“Right now?” Chaewon looks at Hyejoo, but she seems to feel the underlying notion of the words, and she sits up from the couch, “we better not take pictures, I look musty.” 

“When do you not?” Hyejoo throws back, and she narrowly dodges the pillow hurled at her from the couch with a shaky laugh.

____

_ “Here’s your big question before you go to Uni then,” Hyejoo starts, “Biggest goal in life?” They’re sitting on the hood of Hyejoo’s Honda Accord, quietly conversing under the early morning sky while sharing a fresh carton of fries from some fast-food joint downtown. _

_ There’s a small veil of silence between them, and Chaewon seems to take an extra moment to contemplate her answer, tapping her finger on the metallic shell of the car thoughtfully.  _

_ “I want to make people happy with whatever I make. I want to explore the world, get out of the state. I want to go meet new people and see what there is to offer out there and then give it to the people who don’t have that opportunity,” She words her response carefully, as if this was something she’d given much thought into, but never had the opportunity to truly express them. She pauses, and seems to soften when she notices the fact that Hyejoo’s staring at her, there’s a layer that peels away that shows Hyejoo that this, this is exactly who Chaewon is, and it almost feels intrusive for her to be exposed to something so fragile. “What about you? What is it that you want to do?” Chaewon rebounds the question. _

_ To be frank, Hyejoo has no idea. She’s always been a normal student, always been diligent and compliant, and she had been sure that if she had just followed the path the people around her had laid out for her, she’d be okay. So she explains to Chaewon exactly that, how she isn’t sure, how she feels as though the world would leave her behind if she fought for time to stop and figure out what she truly wanted. It’s almost jarring how exposed she feels when she describes it to Chaewon, how she realizes that she hadn’t really thought this far for herself before, how scary it had been for her to confront her approaching future. _

_ “I don’t think,” Chaewon starts, and there's a tangible hesitance in her words, “I don’t think anyone really knows what they’re going to be when they’re older. Everything changes, and the world will always keep spinning even if you can’t keep up, but that doesn’t mean you should try to pace yourself to be on par with everyone else. It’s okay to need time. Even if the world leaves you behind, I’ll wait for you. Just let me know.”  _

_ There’s a beat of silence as Hyejoo lets Chaewon’s words sink in, and its warmth and authenticity soaks into her nerves and bones. It’s odd. How Hyejoo and Chaewon are two drastically different people, with two drastically different ambitions and goals, but they’re sitting here, on Hyejoo’s car, watching the sunrise together while exposing their greatest insecurities.  _

_ Hyejoo lets out a sigh, one that lets out a weight that she wasn’t even completely cognizant of, and feels the soft breeze tug it away. _

_ “You know, if you ever want a partner for exploring the world with or just someone who’ll stay with you. Wherever you are, I’ll be there,” Hyejoo offers, and she hopes that her words truly convey her meaning. Chaewon looks over at her, and she smiles; Hyejoo sees it in the edges of her eyes that folds softly into crescents, the way Chaewon’s shoulders loosen, that this is their way of saying thank you, silently and delicately. _

____

“Where are we going?” Chaewon asks as Hyejoo starts the car, Gureum’s nestled comfortably in her lap in the passenger seat.

“It’s a surprise,” She grins, satisfied with Chaewon’s clear annoyance at the response. It fades away quickly though, Hyejoo focuses on the lone road while Chaewon busies her hands with scratching Gureum as she stares out the window. They let the radio ambiently play in the background as they drive by the bay scenery.

____

_ Hyejoo isn’t sure when it started falling apart. But she only realizes it once it’s too late,  _

_ They were sitting on Chaewon’s porch, watching the occasional car drive by as they sat in palpable silence. _

_ “Maybe we should just… end it,” Chaewon says, finally. _

_ “What?” Hyejoo turns to look at the girl, and her blood freezes at the stone expression Chaewon’s bearing. _

_ “Once we leave, it’s going to be so hard, Hyejoo, we’re on different coasts, we’re going to have school, we’re going to be in completely new places,” Each clause seems to sting both of them, and Hyejoo can feel the coil around her lungs tighten in fear. She wants them to try, at least, she wonders if Chaewon wants to. _

_ “We can try,” She offers, but she knows Chaewon’s already had her mind made up, and the fact that there’s already no prospect of hope at all, it just crushes her heart. She doesn’t blame Chaewon though, because she has a point, because Chaewon always looks out for the both of them in the end, and she always wants the best for them. _

_ “Everyone tries Hyejoo, but I… We. We have so much to still look forward to, but if being together means we can’t become the best versions of ourselves… I just don’t want that for us. I don't want that for you,” Chaewon’s voice is already soft to begin with, but there's a new layer of fragility, one that Hyejoo’s terrified that she’ll break. _

_ “Don’t you want to try, at least?” Hyejoo clasps her hands around one another, watching her hands squeeze one another until they turn an ugly white. She finds the color fitting for their conversation. _

_ “Of course I want to try, but it won’t work. Hyejoo, it never does. Don’t you think we should just, grow up?” There’s no bite to the question, there’s no accusations, that’s just the way Chaewon talks, no matter what. Hyejoo sometimes just wants Chaewon to stop being so patient with her, stop letting her be so selfish and ask for something she knows they can’t have. So she swallows the bittersweet taste in her mouth, feeling the coil around her chest constrict painfully. _

_ “Okay.” _

____

It’s just a 15-minute drive, and Chaewon looks up unexpectedly when Hyejoo parks on the side of the empty road. They let Gureum out, who immediately barrels past them down to the shore.

“The beach?” The fresh aromatic sea breeze welcomes them as Chaewon looks at the expanse of sand and sea, just a few steps off from the concrete. Hyejoo just takes off her slip ons, letting her bare feet step into the milky sand. 

“Yup,” she turns around to offer her free hand, “surprise!”

“You never told me your house was close to the sea,” Chaewon takes the hand as she steps down, but her eyes flit around the landscape, absolutely enthralled by the view. Gureum waits near the shore for them, his tail wagging as he bounds around the glossy sand.

“Well now you know,” Hyejoo smiles as Chaewon takes off her own shoes, and they walk to join Gureum.

“Anything else I need to know that you’ve been hiding from me?” Chaewon asks jokingly, and their hands clasp together naturally. Hyejoo wants to respond with some snarky remark, but she lets the idea wash away, and it leaves a small shell of sincerity, one that she doesn’t quite like picking up, but one she knows that she wants to share with Chaewon. She lets go of Chaewon’s hand as she steps right next to the shore, leaning down to pick it up.

“This is where I took Gureum last summer,” Hyejoo posits simply, and the phrase unearths something raw and delicate, a fragile shard of a memory that she’s told Chaewon about. It’s a place she had mentioned offhandedly once, the destination of her favorite memory, where she had simply driven her and Gureum out to the beach to watch the sunset, something rather uncharacteristically melancholic for her to do. Chaewon is quiet, watching her with a sort of fondness that's so careful that it scares Hyejoo with how it feels to expose a part of herself so brazenly, especially now.

“Did you pack everything?” Hyejoo asks.

“Yeah, I guess you finally get all your hoodies back now too,” Chaewon lets out a small laugh.

“We should bring Bbomi here someday,” Chaewon’s eyes shift to look over at the horizon.

We.

Hyejoo lets the word sink in, and it leaves a bittersweet taste in her mouth. It’s empty, they both know it is, but there’s almost some authenticity to the lie, as if just saying it could almost make it true.

“Yeah, one day,” Hyejoo smiles as Gureum trots by them, his white paws now dusted with grains and bits of sand. The moment stays temporarily, that is, until Hyejoo leans down and flicks the seawater at Chaewon.

“Hey!” Chaewon laughs, and she cups some water to throw at Hyejoo in retaliation. It almost misses her, but it still manages to soak through the side of her t-shirt. Their water fight escalates and Gureum bounces between them, trying to catch the flying sparks of water. 

They manage to thoroughly wet through one another, and Chaewon immediately proposes a draw when Hyejoo picks her up and almost tosses her into the tide. Chaewon’s building a small shell tower as Hyejoo wades into the sea, letting the water level rise to her knees before she turns around.

“Hey Chae?” Chaewon’s already watching her, and she smiles at the acknowledgment. Gurem pads through the foamed lining of the shore, but the world seems to shrink into the few dozen feet between them, and Hyejoo’s glad to know she’s still within earshot. She takes a breath, inhaling the fresh and salty air. It’s on the tip of her tongue.

_ I love you. _

“Thanks for staying with me.” She says instead, because it’s much easier to play along with their little charade. It’s loud and clear into the air, and she knows Chaewon hears it perfectly judging by the small smile that lifts the girls face.

“Thanks for letting me stay with you,” She responds, standing up to ensure that Hyejoo undoubtedly hears it, and she does. It sends a surge of warmth inside Hyejoo’s veins, and it makes her simultaneously so incredibly happy yet sad at the same time.

This was the end.

She wonders if maybe she just looked a little bit harder, and just a little bit sooner, things might’ve been different. Hyejoo wonders if this is what Chaewon meant when she said her world would leave her behind.

**Author's Note:**

> hbd [sam!!](https://twitter.com/goghwon) GIRL ILY i tried writing angst for once uhh ur fantastic i didnt have the braincell for this one but HAVE A GOOD ONE!! yell at me at my [twt](https://twitter.com/hyejootart) about loona and ggs :D


End file.
